Bad days are totally acceptable...

You can try as hard as you like, wash your hair, choose a nice outfit, put on your best make up even wear a shoe with a heel... But as a mum, it’s impossible to be on your ‘A’ game every single day.

Some days I get annoyed, and I can’t really tell you the reasons why, I don’t know if it’s pregnancy hormones or just the fact that I have a toddler, but regardless of the why, the grumpy mum in me manages to make an appearance probably once a fortnight.

Luna is beginning to clock on to my bad days, and just the other week she asked me why I wasn’t happy... Queue the instant mum-guilt for letting her see I’d lost my patience, but do you know what, she has bad days just as much, in fact definitely more, than what I do…

This week was a real eye opener for me. If you follow me on Instagram you’ll have seen that one of my walks home from nursery wasn’t exactly plain sailing and I landed up having to take a minute to myself and forget about what was on the to do list. I suffered from pelvic girdle pain first time round and it’s came back again for pregnancy number 2, with a vengeance.

Luckily my mum was with me and helped me for the final five minutes of the walk but as soon as I got in the door I basically had to strip off because I felt so hot and light-headed. I crawled my way up the stairs to get in bath and gave myself a little pep talk.

You see, carrying a human is hard work. It’s an absolute privilege and something I am truly grateful for every single day (literally it’s one of the first things I think about in the morning) but at the same time, it’s tiring, it hurts, and it plays on emotions you didn’t even know existed. Until of course you enter the world of parenthood.

As a wife, I’ve been trying my best to keep my house intact, my washing up to date, ironing basket low (if not empty), dinners on the table, hair washed and at least a base layer of foundation.

And as a mum, the nursery walks are a big deal to me so if the weather allows, I try to at least walk the drop-off or pickup, I’m still trying to keep up with the crafting and I try to at least pretend I’m excited to play with the dolls. I know that soon enough it won’t be just me and her, I’ll have two to get ready, two to feed, two to play with and two to share the love with.

So when I think about it. It all comes down to guilt.

To be honest, Daddy wouldn't even notice if I’d put a brush through my hair in a day let alone hoovered the living room. But as time goes on and I get bigger, less enthusiastic and more whale-like. I feel like I need to make up for my poor wife efforts it in other ways, tidy house, cooked dinners etc. I’m definitely becoming less pleasing to look at, my boobs have gone in directions that’s just downright unfair and I sound like a tennis player when I’m crawling in and out of bed. But the funny thing is, he doesn’t care, and is often the one to remind me I’m pregnant. I know that if I told him I wasn’t able to do the hoovering, or empty the ironing basket, he’d tell me to go and take a bath instead of complaining that the job wasn’t done.  

As for Luna, it really doesn’t take much to make her happy and there are definitely days when I try too hard to keep up with what I see online. She’s three at the end of the day and when she’s older she won’t remember these last weeks that I wasn't able to walk her to nursery. I’ve definitely been a bit possessive over her lately, which I think is a combination of the past year we’ve had and of course the aforementioned guilt that she won’t get the time she’s been so used to. I’ve really struggled with admitting that I’m less able, I was on a call with the physio nurse this week and broke down because it’s hurting my heart that I can’t do a simple thing like walk her to nursery without being in agony by the time I get home.

During my first pregnancy, I received acupuncture treatment through the NHS but obviously with everything that has gone on this year it’s not something they’re able to offer at the moment. Luckily I’ve managed to find someone private to go to and although it’s pricey if she can fix me, I’ll gladly hand over the cash. We have booked a ‘staycation’ ahead of this new arrival and I really just want to enjoy some family time, and ‘dress the bump’, without - excuse the honesty - looking like I’ve sh*t myself... I’m keeping everything crossed she can work her magic.

It’s so easy to jump on Instagram, see what other mums are up to that day and feel guilty that you aren’t performing to the standard of your social peers. And the point of this blog is to remind you that you don’t always see the ugly side of parenting. We live in a world where people only want to share their perfect and that was one of the initial reasons for me sharing our journey with others. You don’t know the individual circumstances of the people you are following on social media, just a snapshot.

Above everything else, you have to look after yourself. Because if you fell to pieces, who’d be there to look after your tribe for you.

If you want to have a lazy day do it. (And I know have to remind myself of this too). I am definitely a busy person so a day on the sofa just doesn’t appeal to me. I constantly sit and think what I could or should be doing when in fact, right now, all I really need to do is look after myself and stay healthy for this baby. 

Self-care is so important. And sometimes it’s totally fine to have a day of nothing, eat sweets and watch films or zone out whilst they binge on Netflix.

Sometimes it’s ok to be grumpy, just like your children are.

Sometimes it’s ok to be put on a film like The Notebook, and cry for absolutely no reason other than the fact that you feel a little overwhelmed.

Sometimes, it’s fine to not want to play Peppa Pig.

Sometimes, if you want to hide in a cupboard and eat a sweet without sharing, that’s ok too.

Sometimes, if you want to sit in the bath until your fingers turn to prunes, do it.

And if anything, it’s always fine, to let your loved ones know if you’re having a crap day and you need a little help. After all, they’ll be more than happy to lend a head if they can, lighten the load and make sure mama is getting the time she needs to remain captain of her ship.

Just remember that you’re enough, on your good days, your bad days and your ugly crying days.