Being organised, over overwhelmed...
I want to start by saying that this could be a bit of a long post, so I want to thank you for taking the ten minutes out of your day and being here. Please stick with me because I have a lot to cover here! I don’t want to just tell you how I manage my days and weeks, making it sound totally effortless and easy, without truly giving you the back story as to why I had to get my life more organised and what I discovered along the way…
The past year has been a lot, a test even, for us as mothers, wives, partners, workers… the list goes on. In lockdown, I spent day after day tidying the house, cooking, cleaning, doing washing, playing with a toddler and going for a walk here and there. It was relentless and I felt like all of the fun aspects of my life – working, meeting friends, going for lunches or dinner dates – were taken from me.
I was questioning various aspects of my life, my parenting skills, my level of commitment to work, my relationship and how I was showing up as a parent. I was grumpy, short tempered and generally exhausted with everything. I felt like I was stuck in a rut with no way out.
I would blame my feelings on the behaviours of everyone around me and tell myself it wasn’t my fault, or at least that’s what I believed in my head. I didn’t really have a breakthrough moment, but I do remember I went to see a medium in early August. I felt like I needed guidance from somewhere, I didn’t know where, but I was open to trying anything.
I left her in floods of tears, she gave me a spiritual cleansing and I felt like some of the weight had been lifted from my shoulders. She could instantly see when I walked in to her room that I was ticking time bomb I think. Shortly after, I started listening to various podcasts on self-development and improving relationships and that was when it hit me.
The problem was me
I started paying attention to my own emotions and particularly, my thoughts. One of the main learnings I had was that in actual fact, me feeling overwhelmed and like I wasn’t a good enough parent or wife, were simply thoughts I had created myself and put into my own head. No one was telling me I was a rubbish mum, that I wasn’t doing enough or that I was constantly nagging at my husband. I simply let myself believe these things by overthinking them.
Our brains are filled with millions of thoughts, thoughts which we generate throughout our lives, from what we see in our childhoods, what we see in our school years, what we see on television and on social media. All of our personal experiences contribute to how our brain operates and the thoughts it generates.
I realised that these feelings and thoughts needed to be acknowledged because if I didn’t they would just bubble up even more, and they definitely weren’t disappearing. Think of your feelings or thoughts like your toddler, they simply want your attention. I want you to acknowledge these thoughts when they enter your head, imagine you are looking on from the outside, is the situation really as bad as what your brain is making you believe it is?
The main difference is what our thoughts are vs. what reality is.
Going for a walk really clears my head
Thoughts vs. Reality
Think of it this way, a thought in your head could be that your house is a mess, there are toys all over the ground and you’ve not had the time to do some cleaning because you got caught up in play time or doing a craft. But the reality is that you actually spent time with your children, having fun, embracing and being present in the play.
A second example, you spot another child hyper in a supermarket, screaming and shouting for their parents attention and the other mum is as cool as a cucumber... you’re standing there thinking how the heck is she keeping it together. If it was you, you’d be roaring at your child telling him or her to calm down. But this mum is thinking differently, she’s thinking… well they haven’t been getting out lately, they’re excited to be here, they’re no one else’s problem but my own so there’s no need for me to get worked up. Make sense?
You are the only person who controls what you think, no one else, not the accounts you follow on Instagram, or your friends and family. They cannot make you feel shame or doubt, these are your thoughts and how your brain is processing the things you see.
Last year I unfollowed a handful of social media accounts who showcased beautiful homes, gorgeous tidy brightly lit nurseries, meal or play ideas which looked like they took hours to prepare… don’t get me wrong I loved looking at them but they were filling my head with negative energy and making me question myself and whether or not I was doing enough. I was continually putting pressure on myself to try and do these things when in actual fact Luna couldn’t care if I made coloured pasta or gave her a pan of water to play with. (That pasta took hours by the way).
Conquering mum-guilt
There were so many times where I questioned my parenting. I knew I wasn’t as enthusiastic as I wanted to be as a parent, and I just wasn’t showing up in the way I knew Luna was desperate for me too. I could feel my eyes roll to the back of my head when I was asked to get down on the ground and play peppa pig. Again. I’d spend the time thinking about what I could be doing rather than what she wanted me to be doing. Hello mum-guilt.
If you find yourself wondering if you’re a good enough mum, then stop because the fact that you are worrying about being a good mum proves that you most definitely ARE good enough.
Being more present
I spent some time reading and listening to podcasts based on parenting, self-care and relationships and realised one of the biggest problems was I wasn’t actually looking after myself. Now I could write a whole other blog on self-care but for now I’ll just cover it briefly.
As mums, we need to spend time doing things that please us and bring us happiness, so that we feel good about ourselves and are in the best mindset to show up for the rest of our family.
Think about this, would you board a plane you were the captain of? I know nine months ago I wouldn’t have. My brain was a total mess... I mean I still can’t fly a plane but that’s not really what I’m getting at here.
Of course, the initial thought will be guilt that you even want time to yourself away from your children, but please try and teach yourself that you deserve this time. Think of all the things you did for you before you brought those beautiful babies in to the world. No one judged you then, and no one is judging you now. Becoming a parent doesn’t simply mean we give up our right to do things for ourselves.
Movie & munchies for Mummy
But I don't have time
I hear ya… but I also want to remind you that every single person has the same amount of time. It’s simply how you choose to use yours is what makes the difference.
Earlier this year, I read the Miracle Morning, it talks about waking up before you ‘need’ to, and taking time for yourself to get things done. These things aren’t washing, ironing, or making breakfast. These are things for you, reading, writing, listening to a podcast, going a walk, anything that makes you happy and brings you joy. For almost two months now, I am up by 6.15am giving myself at least half an hour before the rest of the house wakes up and my day as ‘mummy’ begins again.
You can tailor your time in any way you wish, and it doesn’t have to be an hour before you’d usually get up, it can be ten minutes if you like. Think about progress over perfection and if you spend ten minutes every morning meditating in silence I guarantee you will feel better about the rest of your day.
I’d also love for you to watch this video, to reassess what you spend your time focussing on, this really put things into perspective for me and completely changed the way I think about what ‘needs done’. Think of your self-care, as one of the golf balls.
A Valuable Lesson For A Happier Life - YouTube
Make lists
One of the easiest ways I found to help myself be more organised was to make lists. I don’t know about you but since becoming a mum I am extremely forgetful and constantly have to make myself notes.
I list out my weekly jobs and activities for the week on a Sunday night. On most days, I usually have between 3 and 6 tasks. These include a mixture of things I want to get done around the house, they could be as simple as emptying the bins, or as strenuous (lol) as cleaning bathrooms, along with a couple of things Luna can either help me with or something I know she’d enjoy doing.
I’m lucky that she loves helping so I can pretty much make any task something for her to get involved with, providing it isn’t working from home.
Some days, if we have a whole day at home, I’ll take this list from my planner and write out the days tasks on Luna’s whiteboard, she loves ticking them off for me and it’s now a daily habit for her to say, “what’s on our list today mummy”.
I usually put them in order, of what I want done and it means she knows there something fun to come if I’ve had to make a compromise with some tv time in the morning for her.
I want Luna to see me as more than just her mum, I want her to see me as a woman who can take on multiple roles. She knows that I have other things to do, like work for example, in order for us to buy nice things. I want her to see that there is more to be done than just making snacks, playing peppa pig and tidying up.
You might read this and think, but I don’t work… running a house is work!
By doing our daily check lists and getting the things I want done ticked off, it means I am so much more present for the time we have scheduled for playing, crafting and baking. I’m no longer distracted and spending the time thinking about what I could or should be doing.
Each night, I also write out my ‘mummy list’ in my journal of what I am going to focus on the next morning. I’m still half asleep even though I’m up early and by making a list I find that it helps me get going when I get downstairs. A typical morning for me could include a five minute meditation, listening to affirmations or visualisation, reading, writing, listening to a podcast or going for a walk. The lighter mornings are helping with that last one!
Quality over quantity
And finally, I want to remind you that it isn’t the quantity of time you spend with your child that matters. Whether you work or don’t work, it doesn’t matter. It’s the quality of the time that you spend with them, is what your children will remember.
Your children don’t need a perfect mum, just a happy one.
Download your own planner!
I wanted to share with you my tailored ‘Honest Mummy’ weekly planner which you can download and use at your own leisure. I couldn't seem to find one which incorporated the things I like to do in a week, so I hope you find it useful. Sometimes we get ourselves caught up on ticking things off, so I like to use the three things I've done this week to remind myself that even in a bad week, things still happened...
If you do use it, please share it on your Instagram and tag me so I can see it in action!
Happier, healthier and more hands-on than I've ever been before