Seven things I'd tell my pregnant self...
Read on for my honest insight and tips I'd like to share on what I discovered in my pregnancy and first months of motherhood... Please note, I wrote this before Blu was born, so a lot the content links to my first pregnancy, the content however is still relative. Enjoy.
Congratulations! Welcome to the most exciting yet daunting world I’ve known to exist so far, parenthood!
Joking aside, it really is the most amazing thing you will ever experience, with many ups and downs thrown in. Now I am no expert in babies, there isn’t one that exists unfortunately, but I thought I’d share some of the things I wish I’d been told in the run up to having a baby and during my pregnancy.
The day I found out I was expecting our firstborn was quite overwhelming, and if I'm truly honest, at that time in my life I felt I wasn't ready to become a mummy. To set the scene, my husband and I had just got married, and by ‘just’ I mean around five weeks married. We had returned home from honeymoon and I was one week into my new dream job, as Events Manager at a well-known local wedding venue.
I set my sights on becoming a wedding planner when the oil industry took a massive down-turn, planning and organisation was my jam, and I was delighted I had finally found my niche.
But then the migraines came, and wow, I had never felt anything like it. I was just a week into the job, holding my head in between my legs wondering what on earth was wrong with me, the thought of being pregnant just did not even cross my mind. After a second day of migraines, I turned to trusty google, ‘pregnancy symptoms’ and there it was in black and white. ‘Early signs of pregnancy: Migraines.’
I was terrified. I pit-stopped at the pharmacy in the town where my new job was based, which was handy as no one knew me, and awkwardly asked the woman for a test. At 26 years old, I felt her eyes look me up and down, making her own judgement, and I drove home as fast as legally possible to get myself to the bathroom.
My husband, Jo, was working late that night, but I couldn't wait for him to come home, I took the test saw the words ‘pregnant’ on the tiny digital screen and sat on our bed for what felt like hours until he came in. When I told him he was in shock, and probably as terrified as I was. I don’t think either of us expected it to happen both so easily and so quickly. We had been together for so long, and not once did we have any ‘scares’ whatsoever.
Now, I hear you, "there's no such thing as an accident..."
I was diagnosed with Endometriosis in my early teens and was advised to come off my pill perhaps a year to two years before we had hoped to have family of our own. I came off the pill in July and fell pregnant in November. I had a period literally days before the wedding which was late October, and my cycle was very irregular and had no consistency to length or flow, so I assumed my body wasn’t ‘normal’ yet.
And of course, on honeymoon, we were in a whole new bubble of love. We got married on our ten-year anniversary and we were quite used to each other by the time we said, ‘I do’, but the giddiness of our newly married excitement got the better of us for those blissful two and a half weeks!
After the initial thought of becoming parents sunk in, the excitement began, it took time, I will admit, and looking back now we cannot believe we had those uncertain feelings in the beginning.
When I underwent my laparoscopy in 2010 I remember the Doctor visiting me post surgery, he told me how happy he was with the results and how from looking at my ovaries he couldn’t see any obvious fertility issues for me in the future. At twenty years old, that statement really meant nothing to me, and until since becoming a mum, I’ve realised how genuinely lucky we have been. The heartache we have witnessed our family and friends go through is just unimaginable and I count my lucky stars daily that conceiving has been so easy for us.
At around seven weeks we had an early scan so that we could tell our parents the news at Christmas time. We both enjoyed our partying lifestyle, and so coming up with multiple excuses to avoid alcohol was becoming difficult!
They were all equally shocked and excited. My mum mostly because she had gone through the countless doctor visits with me in my teenage years and was by my side when I had my laparoscopy procedure. A night in hospital was more than enough for this sheltered soul! She used to tell me, “don’t wait too long in case you have trouble, fertility decreases when you’re over 30!”, turns out we are quite the fertile pair in fact!
One of the things I remember most about being pregnant is the number of questions I had, which if you are reading and you are pregnant, I’m sure you have been asked at some point during your pregnancy. I would say around 80% of my friends are mums, which was extremely useful, but came with lots on conflicting information at the same time. There are some moments when I look back though that I wish people were more a bit more honest with me, or told me that all my ideas of how I would be a perfect parent, were really laughable!
So with that in mind, here’s my version of things to prepare for when you become a mum.
1. Everyone knows everything…
Every mum has opinions on being a mum, and the thing is we are all experts. That is actually truth, kind of, I mean I am an expert at parenting my three-year-old because she is my baby and I know her needs and wants 24 hours a day. But that does not mean I will be an expert in parenting your child.
Nothing will set you up for being a mum than being a mum. And something can be said about the phrase, “it’s very easy to parent someone else’s child”. If I can give you one piece of advice that you take on board it would be to take everyone else’s advice with a pinch of salt.
I remember sitting in toddler groups hearing mums chatting about teething and weaning and thinking, I am going to try that! And boy did it backfire. Set your own pace and stick to it. Different things work for different babies, imagine they were all the same and there was one manual – how easy life would be! But we would not get to experience the wonderful ups and downs that come along with parenting on a daily basis!
2. Do not assume you know which type of mummy you will be.
Secondly, you should not say what type of mum you will be before you become a mum. Hands up here – I was guilty of this.
There are multiple statements made by prospective mamas-to-be. One that springs to mind is, “I won’t put photos of my baby on social media”. I am mean I am no daily poster, but I certainly love to share images of my gorgeous baby girl, I mean I made her and I am pretty proud of that so why wouldn’t I!
When we are pregnant there are so many things to read, various literature we get from midwives, blog posts (like this one!) and it is easy to make assumptions of what type of mum you think you will be. Do not do this – I promise – you will have no idea what you will be like!
3. Some days you will give up on the fight
Discipline is another one, I have seen kids scream in Home Bargains because their mum will not buy a £2.99 toy. Hats off to them, it takes a lot of will power to not want to please your child.
I was at the, “I’ve been good mummy so I can get a magazine”, stage for quite some time. I swear these aisles creep up on you out of nowhere, as much as you try to avoid them.
I feel like I just get to know my local supermarket and then suddenly all the aisles change! My husband used to say during pregnancy that I would be such a strict mum (lol). Some days yes, others, I just cannot be bothered if I am honest.
As I write this, we are still in the middle of a pandemic that does not seem to be going anywhere in a hurry so my strong will power gets even tinier as the week goes on.
This is when you hear the comments such as, “I’d use the naughty step”, or “I’d just put them in the car and go home”. But if I am totally honest, if that £5 magazine with the toy that will undoubtedly land in the bin in a weeks’ time gives me ten minutes peace when we get home, I'm buying it.
4. There is no right or wrong way to feed your baby
A touchy subject, the most controversial of all, is feeding.
I had decided from a young age that breastfeeding wasn’t for me. I have friends that have had amazing feeding experiences, but for me it was something I wasn’t comfortable with nor wanted to try.
Saying this out loud was mostly accepted, but it also came with some very nasty remarks, “what, you won’t even try?” for example. The comments filled me with both anger and guilt. So much so that by the time I had my daughter, I felt that even if I did want to feed, I couldn't because I was worried about receiving the, “I told you so” comment. Hours after she arrived, her Daddy gave her her first bottle, and I've never felt my heart so full.
A fed baby is a happy baby at the end of the day no matter how you choose to do it, so do what works for you, no judgements here. I don’t want any debates starting!
5. Have an open mind and don’t stick to an exact plan
As a pregnant mum, you will get a lot of advice. Like a lot.
If you enjoy reading, it is a good thing to open your mind as to what is to come and get some knowledge on all the things that come with pregnancy but again, take it all very lightly, each of those mummies have all had different experiences.
Pregnancy journals are often filled with lots of useful information as well as giving you the opportunity to record how you're feeling so you can look back on it. I'd definitely considering looking into getting one of these.
I'm not a huge reader, but one book I couldn’t put down was Marie Mongan’s hypnobirthing book. I had never planned to have a full-on hypnobirthing experience when it came to my delivery but the breathing techniques and general advice on the what the motions your body goes through really helped me understand the labour experience.
My labour was a relatively easy one, and I think I handled everything rather well – my husband might say otherwise – but the book really did help me stay calm and focused on what I was doing.
6. Find your routine and stick to it.
Babies pick up on things relatively quickly, so discuss with your partner what you want your evening routine to be.
We began reading to my pregnant belly at around five or six months. I really wanted baby to know Daddy’s voice and although I was doing all of the growing I think it helped him feel a little more involved in the whole process.
Your midwife or health visitor will advise you on how often you should bath your baby. We bathed our daughter every night, it’s what my mum did with me and what my sister did with my nephew and it worked great for us.
Our routine was bath, bottle and a story every single night and by nine weeks old we had a baby who slept 12 hours a night. We are very lucky, I know this, but this was just what worked for us.
We also have a night light which plays music and comes on when she makes a noise, I’d definitely recommend one which is sound activated, so that you don’t have to keep switching it back on. This is the one we had, but they seem a bit harder to find these days.
If stories aren’t for you, it’s still something I’d definitely consider, our daughter’s speech is really good and she has been a relatively good speaker since she was a young age 2. I definitely think this is down to the amount we read to her, she will often pick up some of her favourite books and tell the story herself – she isn’t reading obviously, I mean she’s good but she isn’t that good! She’s just used to the pictures and which part of the story it is and will recall part of it from memory.
Babies and children like routine though, so when you find what works for you, stick to it as much as possible and it will definitely pay off in the long run.
7. Smile and say thank you
My end goal with this blog, is just to remind you to have an open mind. Take all the advice you are about to receive with a pinch of salt, smile and say, “oh I’ll remember that”, and let it fall out the other ear. It will come from every direction, be it from friends, family, pre-natal groups, even the older generations (in which some of the techniques would be questionable these days – dipping dummies in whiskey!).
And finally, enjoy it!!!!
Those nine months to you will feel like they are never ending, but I promise you once your baby arrives you’ll wonder where on earth the time went. My husband and I often laugh about all the free time we had and how little we did with it. So put your feet up, grab your cravings and binge on Bridgerton!! Baby brain is an actual real thing, I promise, so empty your mind and chill before it is consumed with information on things you did not no existed! Is there anything else you wish you’d been told whilst pregnant? Comment below, I’d love for you to share your input!
Be kind and true to yourself, always.